JESSICA SIMPSON GOES THROUGH PUBERTY

Apparently Jessica Simpson is doing everything backwards. After getting married and leading the "monogomous" life she has decided to SLUT IT FORWARD.

Here is some of the latest gossip regarding her trampy travels across our fair city.

After her apparent "loud" romp at the Chateau, she and Adam Levine seemed to be heading in the direction of a relationship. But, behind those huge tits and white teeth lies the brain of a down-syndrome kid in a coma, so he played her like a fiddle and broke up with her VIA TEXT! DAMN, BITCH, YOU GOT PUNK'D:

This week's Star is supposedly going to report that Adam Levine broke up with Jessica Simpson via a text message that said: "Really busy. Need Space."

It all started when Levine blew-off their Valentine’s Day date as Jess pressured him for answers. It took a while to sink in and when it did, she told her best friend, "I just got dumped." And by text message, no less. Ouch! Not that Simpson will have trouble finding companionship. A source tells Star that she and British heartthrob Jude Law have been calling each other non-stop – even though they’re thousands of miles apart.
I understand she's a little on the stupid side, but when you're as hot as Jessica Simpson you don't deserve to be dumped until you become horribly disfigured or old. Instead of breaking up with her via text message, Adam should have gone with my method of choice: wear them down with so much sex that they're forced to end the relationship by doctor's orders. source


Then came the Jude Law debacle where she was seen spotting canoodling at Shutters in Santa Monica and then later AT THE CHATEAU! Wow, thats pretty ballsy of you!

Now she is apparently seeing Greg Coolidge, the director of her upcoming film, Employee of the Month.