WEEKLY WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE!

I hated this effing show! But all my friends thought it was the stink, so here it is for your weekly walk down memory lane....beeeyatches!

TALLADEGA NIGHTS OPENS!

MAKE THIS MOVIE NUMBER ONE!



This weekend the incredibly high-brow concept comedy Talladega Nights opens in small art house theatres near you. I know that this movie might encounter some bumps along the way since it is truly attempting to take movie-going to a new echelon, but I think everyone should open their minds and pay their hard earned cash to see this film.

But in reality, Talladega Nights is a rocking and rolling good time, filled to the brim with red-neck jokes, KFC and product placement. What more could a person ask for? I saw it last week and I must admit that I was grinning from ear to ear from start to finish. Don't let Miami Vice stay #1 for two weeks in a row!

NICOLE KIDMAN AND I SHOP AT THE SAME CLASSY PLACES!

Nicole Kidman and her hubby Keith Urban are so much like myself! We both totally dig Target! Who knew with all that money, Nikki doesn't buy diamond encrusted toliet paper, she buys single ply in aisle four....just like us! I love this hoe for that! She is so real. I bet her dress is from Kohls and her shoes are totally from K-Mizzle! I love it. Work that Target bag, bitch!

GEORGE PATAKI! FASHION FAUX PAS!

Woah, New York City governer George Pataki must be feeling the heat over the West Coast as he is loving those grandpa shorts! And didn't anyone on his staff let him know that it has never been in fashion to wear socks and deck shoes! Get this man a stylist, pronto! I wish that politicians were judged and scrutinized the same way celebs were! George Pataki is soooo the Bai Ling of the political world!

LINDSAY LOHAN PLEAH FOR HELP

-----Original Message-----
From: [XXXXXXXX]
To: Perez Hilton
Subject: Re: Yooo
Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2006 23:23:59 +0000

Almost witnessed 3kids being hit by paparazzi.... Never in my life had
an expirience as I just did with the paparazzi. I am not kidding I am
shaking, cannot breathe a bit, scared, anxious and sad. If someone
doesn't feel bad, than I will feel bad for myself. It is disgusting what
these g-d damn people are doing to me. As well as the people in my life that I work with/for. Its vulgar and I'm saddened for myself.

And, ANY of those willing to fall into judging me in any way in the
future, or past. Can watch the video tapes that these men/women take of
me while they are being invasive towards my DAY off.... Which I never
have anymore. (Send that to Morgan Creek)

G-d Bless.
xxl

The above message was posted to fellow blogger Perez Hilton and I love it. Hell yeah I am gonna judge your ass! How else am I supposed to keep a blog running, bitch? I love her fucking pity party. Poor little rich girl feels alone and scared. I bet her wallet is too small for all her $100 bills and her diamond slippers are too tight! Cry bitch, cry! She is so gonna lose it under the close scrutiny of the public eye, and we all have a free front row seat! I mean, can you believe, she rarely has a day off! How is she supposed to do coke when she only gets two days a week off? How is Hyde going to survive if she has to stay home on a work night, and by home I mean the Chateau Marmont? Someone seriously needs to tell the girl what is up, and that if she makes seven MILLION dollars for a couple months of work, she's gonna have to actually work. Dumb c--t.

WAS THIS GUY MY SUMMER CAMP COUNSELOR?

This guy here is so nasty. His name is Philip Distasio and he is being charged with running a school for autistic children and then smoking pot with them and having sex with them. He is a self proclaimed child molester, but now wants to take on the Ohio court system, claiming that pedophelia is not rape and sodomy between men and children can be healthy. He is a self professed Pagan minister is representing himself on all 74 counts of rape, drugs and pandering pornography to minors.

I totally dig the sideburns.

J. LOVE HAS CHILDBEARING HIPS

It looks like J.Love Hewitt not only raided her boyfriend's closet, she's been raiding the fridge as well. I guess it makes sense, she got comfortable in a relationship and her show got cancelled so there is really no need to stay slim and slender. No one is looking at her anyways. Could you imagine if Brad Pitt or Oprah was just walking around in a bright yellow shirt on a crowded street?

Classy!

No, this is not a glimpse into Britney Spears's future. This is class act Melanie Griffith lighting her seventeen year old daughter's cigarette in Beverly Hills. What a great role-model. Antonio Banderas needs to up and leave that cracked-out pill-head. Damn, have some respect for yourself!

JESSICA SIMPSONS TITS ATE AT THE IVY

I thought LA was suffering a heat wave...
Her nips could have fooled me!

GEORGIA RULES SAYS "BULLSHIT!"

Here is the letter that the CEO of Morgan Creek Productions sent Lindsay Lohan (c/o the Chateau Marmont, that bitch) telling her that he doesn't buy that bullshit about her supposed "heat exhaustion" for one fuckin' second. He is calling her bluff and threatening to sue if she misses one more day of work or is late for the film Georgia Rules that she is currently filming in Los Angeles! Crazy!

The best part is Lindz totally didn't care as she was spotted at Les Deux in Hollywood on Friday night and then at Pure in Las Vegas on Saturday night! Then she was spotted in an alleyway in West Hollywood trading handjobs for crack. Just kidding, about that last one.

BUSTED

If you havent already heard, Mel Gibson was arrested for a DUI late last week in Malibu, CA. Although driving under the influence is in itself a terrible and inexcusable deed, the real drama started when the officer attempted to arrest Gibson. In a yet to be seen video which captures this supposed event, Mel was said to be heard saying:

"My life is fucked" (in reference to being arrested)

To the police officer who detained him:"You mother fucker. I'm going to fuck you." The arresting officer's report also says "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me."

and my personal fave: "Fucking Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world."

oops-y!