RANDOM CELEB SIGHTING OF THE WEEK

On monday night after seeing Reeve Carney and his Traveling Band, I noticed a mediocre crack head heading out the door. Then my besty LauraLoves saw Nicole the winner from last year's America's Next Top Model. She looked all sorts of uninteresting. Snore bore!!!! Yawn!

BRITNEYS NEW MANNY

Ok, wow. Britney Spears is looking like a straight up teenage hooker in a Lifetime movie. That outfit is 100% off the sale rack at Wet Seal. That bitch has got to stop. Plus those nasty espradilla's. She looks like Helen Keller is her stylist.

On the other hand, I love Britney's new male nanny (aka the Manny). He is a total hottie and you know that he is banging Brit-Brit. Even if he is no Jake G. he is a vast improvement from that cum bucket Kevin Federline.

DIVORCE IS NOT TREATING JESS WELL

Woah, this bitch Jessica is looking toe-up. I mean, obviously divorce has not been too kind to Jessica. She needs to disappear for a few weeks and hit the gym, the dermatologist, the collagen man and she should think about taking that ugly ass grimace off of her face.
She is not following the number one rule of break-ups....always look hot and happy, cause even if you are crying inside, if your ex thinks that you aren't suicidal then they will feel like the loser. Duh.

Oh, and she should really re-think that horrid blouse.


{pic courtesy of Hollywood Tuna}

FAYE DUNAWAY GETS A NEW LOOK

Here are some pix of good ole' crazycakes herself, Faye Dunaway. Wow, lets get straight to it....
What the fuck is going on? Her hair extensions look terrible. The hair is literally white and looks like a flat out weave! Her teeth are clearly veneers and she is obviously fresh from the doctor's slab. That is one tight ass face. You could play drums on her cheeks. Faye used to be such a fucking hottie and now she looks like the Bride of Frankenstein with a stylist.
What a fucking disaster. No wonder she leaves dirty messages to reporters. Whatever, you gotta give that slag bitch some props...I guess...


{pic courtesy of Defamer}

KIKI GETS THE BIG THUMBS DOWN

The Sophia Coppola film Marie-Antoinette was greeted with boos at it's premiere in Cannes. Doesn't sound so hot for Kirsten Dunst's Oscar possibilites. Sounds more like a big fat flop. GOOD! I hate that buck-toothed pasty ass beyatch! And Sophia Coppala, she may dress like a star but that face is a face destined to be behind the camera. Why does she never smile...she's always sneering. Those biches should die. Woah, that was way harsh....

Maybe KiKi's newest boytoy Andy Samberg can cheer her up. Or maybe he will just laugh at her failure with the rest of us.


{pic courtesy of Just Jared}

HOLLYWOOD ANATOMY

Here is a page from the textbook's from the LAUSD revised anatomy classes. It looks pretty accurate. I see bitches like this all over Larchmont. So ridiculous, yet so dead on!



{pic courtesy of Gallery of the Absurd}

SUMMER LOVE

These pictures of Jake G are too hot for words. First of all, you know that Jake loves to "play basketball" with his guy "friends". Yeah fucking right, this is what I like to call foreplay. He's totally getting ready to mount that fool. God, Jake, I always knew you were the top...and I love it.

Oh. My. God. Could Jake melt my heart like butter on a warm day? The answer is yes. He is totally into helping little minority children learn to play. That is very Oprah-like of him. Or he's a child molester.

FAGS 'R' US

{pics courtesy of Just Jared}

OUTBREAK LA-STYLE!

Morgellons Disease, a rare skin condition, has been discovered in America, and most cases have actually been found in Southern California! What the fuck!?

This nasty ass disease start with the illusion that bugs are crawling all over you shit like a straight up crack head. It DOES NOT end here though, my besties....then you start to get sores that (I am being 100% serious here) grow colored fibers from them! I mean....what sort of weird, crystal methish disease is this? I am freaking out here at work. I am convinced that I have it already, but a whore like me could just have scabies.

Regardless, this shit is fucking NASTY....watch the video here and freak yourself out!

Here is a picture of the fibrous tissue

that grows from the sores. I know....fucking sick!

I wonder if Prada will make a knit hat with that shit for

the Winter 2006 line.

OPRAH CONQUERS THE WORLD...ONE BOOK AT A TIME

You know, I have totally been neglecting my homegirl of late and it has got to stop! Oprah is too precious and special and wonderful to ever be neglected. I mean, I am sure that she's not neglected...in the financial sense...but I have failed to give Opie the proper respect and the consistant shout-out-age that she deserves!
So here we go:
Oprah and her fitness guru Bob Greene have inked the most lucrative non-fiction book deal to date today. No exact price has been given, but it is larger than the $12 million dollar deal that former President Bill Clinton received for the autobiography he penned.

Damn, I love me some Oprah when it comes to money making skills. She never fails to upstage old white men at every turn. This just goest to show....once again....DON'T FUCK WITH THE O!



{story courtesy of The New York Post}

MADONNA SHOCKS AGAIN

Madonna opened her "Confessions" Tour last night in Los Angeles at The Forum. The show began 50 minutes late but went off without a hitch in all other regards. The two-hour show mostly covered Madonna's newest album "Confessions of a Dancefloor".

Madonna opened the show by flying inside of a huge discoball that opened like a flower to reveal her in a domanatrix inspired jockey outfit. Other controversial highlights of the show included Madonna entering the stage hanging from a crucifix with a crown of thorns before singing the song "Live to Tell" while images of children from Third World Countries flashed behind her. Madonna also likened President Bush to Adolph Hitler and Osama Bin Laden through photagraphic images during the show. She was also said to have made a few comments about Bush and oral sex during other portions of the show.

Damn, that tired ass bitch is really trying to shock us. What would really shock me is if Madonna would stop trying to trick us with disco balls and religious crap and actually wrote a decent song without the help of the trendiest producer of the day.