TARA STRIKES AGAIN!

God, Tara Reid, I have fucking missed your ass! Don't ever abandon me like that again! I need your trashy presence in my life...for reals.

Now, where to begin....what the fuck is wrong with your tittie? Why is the nipple IN YOU ARMPIT? What sort of blind, retarded doctor did those titties. You know she went to Mexico t get some discount and ended up with that slab of meat on her chest and was pissed as hell. Or she was so coked up she didn't care.

Secondly, why would that crazy ass bitch wear a transparant shirt and no bra with those weapons of mass destruction strapped to her chest. Oy!

Oh Tara, how I've missed you...

xoxo

JULIA FAILS TO IMPRESS

Julia Roberts opened on Broadway this week in "Three Days of Rain" with co-stars Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper. The hopes were high for Roberts' Broadway debut, and although the stars came out in droves to see her, the critics did too, and they were none to pleased. Here is a sampling of some of the raves that she was garnered.

"Your heart goes out to her when she makes her
entrance in the first act and freezes with the unyielding stiffness of an
industrial lamppost, as if to move too much might invite
falling." [NY Times]

"Two and a half hours of Julia
Roberts. One hundred and fifty minutes of tedium...You would think she'd be able
to handle a Southern accent, but her voice wanders all over the 48 contiguous
states, sometimes within the same sentence." [Boston Globe]

"In her Broadway premiere, Julia Robert is awkward
and disappointing in a self-conscious performance that is merely a shadow of her
confidence and charm on film." [AM New York]

"Ultimately, Roberts is unable to flesh out the
indistinct contours of an unsatisfyingly written role." [Variety]

Uhhh....why do we, as a country, pay this woman $20 million a year? She has horse teeth, people, lest we forget.

In more interesting news, Oprah took in the performance and she was looking hot. She won't ever say it, but she hated it too. Woo woo homegirl!

DAMMIT JANET!

Damn girl! You look GREAT! Janet Jackson is totally living the life I want to lead. Don't eat and work-out for a few months, drop a hot album, make tons of ca$h and then spend it all on cheeseburgers for a year or two until you want to slim down again because you want your adoring public back. She is just trying to make up for the other FREAKS in her family....and she is doing just fine, if you ask me.

MY NEW OBSESSION!

I must admit that Miss Amanda Lepore is my newest obsession. Born in New Jersey, the beauty you see before you became the creature of desire after years of extensive plastic surgery starting at age 15. She was not always so glamorous, in fact, she was not always a she. Now, she is the official muse of photographer/director David LaChapelle and has been featured in numerous major ads, as well as music videos and her own recordings as well.

Props to Miss Lepore, for saying fuck you to everyone's expectations and staying true to herself (and the plastic surgeons knife). She's a vision!

Check out her website here

PARTY SPONSORED BY OPRAH!

Last night oprahismyhomegirl.com sponsored a CRAZY party for the birthday of Joseph LaMonica. It was crazy. Let's just say the cops came to the building and there were helicopters circling the street.



The night started with a surprise for Joe, but by the end, the faithful dartboard had made it's appearance. Hey, is that the star of the film Waiting right there? I think I saw some other celebs there too!


There is the birthday boy himself, beaming....as usual.

Woah! Two power agents ('s assistants) were there too?!? How Hollywood.

Look at these two hotties. Should I charge Raisin Bran for the advertising space?

All in all, I thank everyone for doing their part in making last night filled with magic and love.
Happy B-day Joe!

NICK SPEAKS! (but does anyone care?)

Nick Lachey is finally coming out to talk about the end of his marriage with his one way ticket to B-list stardom, Jessica Simpson.

Basically, Nick has been coached by a media relations specialist at ABC (where his new pilot is being produced, with a featured guest star appearance by Allison Weintrab*wink wink*) to make himself sound like the victim and to make Jessica and her father, creepoid child molester, Joe Simpson like the enemies.

Here is a run-down of the article:

Did Papa Joe play a role in the demise of his union?

"I don't pretend to understand Joe. .I don't know if he ever liked me. To this day I couldn't say. It was painful. Do I think Joe drove a rift between us? No. Was he an influence in our marriage? Absolutely."

On rumors of Jessica's adultery, while not ruling them Nick says:

"I don't know if there were other men. But if she did cheat, it was the result of something bigger, not the reason we didn't work. ... Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had just walked in the house and found her in bed with a guy. That would be clear-cut. End of story. I wouldn't have to deal with the uncertainty of adultery."

On what ultimately drew them apart:

"Jessica and I began playing these parts (on their MTV reality show Newlyweds) even when we were by ourselves. It became a really blurred line. There was a question about what truly was our reality."

He is totally trying to blame her and MTV! Take some responsibility. And anyone who ever watched that fucking show knows that Nick hated that bitch! He was constantly rolling his eyes at her retarded comments and giving her dirty looks for every million those tits brought her.

Stop your whining Nick and get ready for a life of openings of Dairy Queens and book signings in Witchita.

Faggot.

HOWARD STERN LOVES ROSIE O'DONNELL

This morning on his radio show, Howard Stern apparently defended Rosie O'Donnell saying that she was "doing great things for people" after watching her documentary "All Aboard" which follows gay parents and their children as they take a cruise designated especially for families with gay parents.

Howard was saying that he "was digging her more and more" for making positive changes for gay families. He even went as far as to defend her to a few callers who dared to challenge him, softening most of their positions a bit.

Howard is such a fag. Love him.

MICHAEL JACKSON IS RECORDING AGAIN

Reports are coming in that Michael Jackson is going back into the studio to record an album for a 2007 release. The record is being produced for a Bahrain-based label.

Well, I am happy for two reasons:

A) The album is gonna totally be awful and I can't wait to see how truly awful it can get and...

B) Anything that keeps Jack-o off the streets and not molesting children is a good thing in my eyes.

THE MUTANT BABY IS BORN!

AWWWW! Ain't she cute!?!?!? I am so glad that TomKat's little angel was finally brought into the world!

The day has finally arrived, everybody. The second coming of Hubbard is upon us. Straight from the loins of Tom Cruise and Katie Homely via a surrogate and/or test tube is the birth of our very own $cientology owned baby!

The baby, born today, April 18th, at 3am is perfectly healthy and named Suri which is Hebrew for "my dad is one fucked up homo".

Blessed be this day!

POWER LESBIANS MULTIPLY!

It was announced yesterday, via their website, that Melissa Ethridge and her wifey Tammy Lynn Michaels are preggers. Tammy, through an anonymous donation from a sperm bank, will be having twins this fall!

Let's see, what is more bizarre? Two lesbian's having and raising a child OR a child being born into the $cientology circus that is TomKat?

TARZAN: LOOKS RETARDED/ HE HAS A HOT BOD!

Josh Strickland, a 22 year old American Idol runner-up from season 1, is starring as Tarzan in the musical on Broadway. Early reviews are pretty much calling it wretched and horrendous, but Josh's body looks hot as hell. He Tarzan, me Jane.

Bad joke, I know.

JULIA KEEPS IT REAL....

Here are som pics of Julia Roberts leaving the theatre where she is performing in Three Days of Rain in New York City.

I like Julia R. She is not even trying to front....she keeps it real. Look at those nasty jeans and that ugly shirt. Her ass looks terrible and the hem of the pants are too short. I like that she realizes it's not a red carpet, she's just trying to get home after work.

You go girl!

JUST SO YOU KNOW

So, today I was doing a little research regarding how long Ms. Homely had left in her pregnancy. I found, after checking IMDb I discovered that Katie was exactly 3 months pregnant on the day she went public with the preganacy news, which was October 5th. Yup, you guys guessed it...Katies exact due is May 5th....THE DAY THAT MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III IS RELEASED. That shit is fucked up.

Above are some pics of our sad little preg girl shopping....again...alone...in WeHo....looks like Maxfields to me...

XENII

This weekend I got a chance to check out LA's newest underground hot spot, Xenii. It is a member's only travelling after-hours party that takes place from midnight to 5am in various spots around town as to escape the police, as the party is technically illegal.

It is basically an attempt to fuse Andy Warhol's Factory and the Great Gatsby's parties of the roaring 20's. From my estimation, which was limited as I only stayed a few hours, it was pretty successful. There is free bottle service, illegal drugs galore and plenty of scantily clad (if clad at all) ladies.

Good luck getting in!