ROSIE O'DONNELL TO ENJOY 'THE VIEW'

Well hot damn! Rosie O'Donnell is going to return to daytime talk as 1/5th of ABC's most hated Beeeyatches over at The View. I loved Rosie when she had her own show, but now that she is all into being a total dyke-o I bet she's going to be using that shit as a platform to turn all the young hotties into pink-taco loving whores. I hope that Barbra Walters puts the smack-down on her. I think it would really up viewership if Barbra and Rosie had a nude mud-fight. Or if Rosie tried to eat 100 hot dogs in the duration of her first show. Any other suggestions? Send them over!

Let's not even get started over the shiznit that is going to go down with Star Jones!

SIMPSON DEVASTATED BY NICK'S TELL-ALL

Jessica Simpson is repotedly devestated that Nick Lachey released a tell-all interview he gave to US Weekly earlier this week.

Yeah right, that bitch has been fucked by so many guys she forgot she ever was married to that choad. Whenever anyone brings the interview up she just brings up the fact that she has already fucked Jude Law and Adam Levine since him. He just got a nasty slag from Laguna Beach, Kristen Cava-whats-her-fuck.

And, seriously, what the fuck is she wearing in this pic? I love those girls from Go Fug Yourself. The find Jessica in the most retarded outfits. I mean, wtf is going on with this hoe!?

She gets a double:
Homey dont play that!
Homey dont play that!

MOM HAIR

I mean, maybe Jennifer Love Hewitt wants to look like she's a 37 year old soccer mom....maybe....

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ IS A HOT MESS!

Michelle Rodriguez has been getting herself into some deep shit lately. The actress, who currently stars as one of the "others" on Lost, pleaded guilty to driving under the influence earlier this week and took a 5 day prison sentence over 200+ hours of community service. That is so unfair! That bitch is totally a dyke. Thats like...would you like to pick up trash every weekend for a year or go to a 24 hour lesbo bar for 5 days and find yourself a girlfriend who can't squeal to the tabloids because she's behind bars. Of course she chose jail! Thats like Club Med for carpet-munchers! She got off way too easy. And as if her going to a fantasy retreat for 5 days wasn't enough proof of her dyke-ieness, now she's blaming that shit on steroids. She says she gets steroids to help with her allergies to "cockroach resin". WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? More like her allergies to cock...period. That bitch is so crazy. At least people in Hawaii can drive safe for the next 5 days. Enjoy it while it lasts.

J.J. ABRAMS TO DIRECT STAR TREK MOVIE

J.J Abrams has been tapped to direct a Star Trek movie. I mean, J.J. is pretty kick ass, but I hardly think that he could make Star Trek cool. I bet that he is going to make them crash into some deserted planet and then through flashbacks we will discover what brought them to the spaceship. Or maybe they will be some off-shoot of the CIA that is trying to bring down SD-6. Or maybe they will encounter an alien college student who is coming to terms with life as an adult.
If you aren't a huge nerd and don't watch Alias, Lost or Felicity...just disregard this post.

DAVID BLOAT-Y and IMAN

Woah! Iman looks amazing and David Bowie looks bloated as all hell! What is going on? Iman looks 26 at the oldest and David looks like a PMSing chick who is retaining water.


(Sorry, Nick, but it's totally true!)

WHY WASN'T SHE CALLED PLASTIC SPICE?

Here she is....the plastic queen of all things fake Victoria Beckham. This posting has been long overdue. This woman is so fake she deserves her own fucking CUNTry...or at least a handbag line.
I fucking adore this picture of this whore. She looks all safe and comfortable in her expensive car with her hot husband and her gorgeous dead animal hugging her shoulders, but her eyes tell the truth...they are saying...Get me the FUCK outta here!

photo credit: Getty Images

MY DEATH SPACE

My friend gave me a nod towards this really bizarre and macabre website, MyDeathSpace, that is dedicated to tracking the most recent deaths of current MySpace members. It is pretty spooky. It tells you the date of death and cause. Also on the site are some people who have murdered people. Check out their sites, they get some crazy comments. Just go to the directory and search the word "murderer". Usually there are articles linked with the people. It is pretty scary.

Check it out here

SNOOP DOGG ARRESTED!

Snoop Dogg was arrested at London's Heathrow Airport along with five other members of his entourage and guess what?... It wasn't marijuana related!

Snoop and his crew became aggrivated when they were denied access to a first-class lounge and began arguing with employees of a duty free store. The fighting escalated when Mr. Dogg's crew began throwing bottles of whisky at the employees. When the airport authorities came, a full on brawl broke out and Snoop + 5 were arrested.

Loves it!

THIS IS MY BITCH

This is my bitch, guys, and she will eat you up and spit you out!

Last week was Judge Judy's 500th week as the top rated half hour courtroom show on television. She has been mopping the floor with Judge Joe Browns nappy hair and she has been fucking Judge Milian with a strap-on for years now! I love it! You just cannot pull one over on good ole' Judy. She is all over that shit like white on rice!

Homey don't play that!

I THINK THAT WE ARE BEING DUPED

Exxon, the worlds largest oil company, is reporting a profit of $8.5 BILLION this quarter and is the fifth highest profit in history for a public company.

Amid the soaring gas prices, there is an expected to be a public backlash. I, for one, dont even know where to begin. We are being duped, people, and it needs to stop. I wish I had some suggestion and am opening up the floor for someone to lay out the plans for the revolution!

SAY GOODBYE NOW!

Reports are coming in that Elizabeth Taylor is terminally ill and is refusing to take visitors and is planning her funeral as well as dividing her estate for after her impending death.

She is a total legend and if this report is true, I will be so depressed! I put this picture up so that we can remember her as the total piece of ass that she was, not the messed up friend of Michael Jackson that she has morphed into.

On another note, she could totally be confused and just think she's dying. She is hopped up on enough pills to make Paula Abdul blush.

TOM HEARTS KATIE AND SURI SO MUCH HE LEFT THEM TO PROMOTE HIS MOVIE

Wow, I love how Tom Cruise keeps talking up his love for Katie Homely and baby Sorry and yet less than a week after that kids birth he jets off to London to promote Mission Impossible III with the equally as closteted Jonathan Rhys Meyer. If you ask me I bet that Katie is happy as hell that he took his crazy ass across the pond and is jumping on foreign couches. I am already so over baby Sorry, she is as tired as Paris Hilton cooch already....and she's only a week old!

I dig the bands, Tom.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN LOVES OLDER MEN

So, apparently Sienna Miller dumped Hayden Christensen and is living with Jude Law again in Toganga Canyon. Meanwhile, Gayden has been spotted around town with a sugar daddy. I guess he gave pussy a try and is sooo over it.
His sugar daddy is totally sporting a Sith T-shirt too. I bet it's because he didn't have an extra set of clothes at Gayden's house so he had to wear one of his free promotional shirts.

BRAD AND ANGELINA HANG OUT WITH NICOLE RICHIE

Look at this picture of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hanging out with Nicole Richie. Oh, thats not Nicole, thats their little UN baby Zahara.

Regardless, that is one fucking hot family. I think....yeah....I would sleep with all of them.

BRITNEY IS PREGNANT....AGAIN

Well, well, well....Looks like our favorite CUNT-ry bumpkin Miss Britney Spears-Federline is knocked up...yet again. When will this bitch learn her lesson. She is just digging the deepest ditch she can.

US Weekly is reporting that Spears and husband Kevin Federline have been preggers since February and are due in October. That bitch has already dropped her first tater-tot and now she's gonna bring another little turd brain into the world. She has also been seen drinking around town lately, right? That little crap head is totally going to have fetal alcohol syndrome. Or down syndrome. I mean, we know at very least he's gonna have fucked up parents with bad fashion sense and a inexplainable love for Pork Rinds. Alas, that kid, retarded or not, is gonna have one shitty ass life.

Homey don't play that!

Snooters, Anyone?

Ooooo! Are these pics of Pink spinning wildly out of control at LA hot spot The Dragon Fly? Could that be Pink blowing a bump of cocaine off of her knuckle? You know she ain't praying...that's for sure.

I have always had this bone to pick with Pink. It annoyed me as soon as she appeared on the music scene that her name was Pink. I knew that pink hair wasn't going to stick around forever and then everyone would be like, why the fuck do we still call that whore Pink? She's blonde now. Does Lohan call herself "Big Tits"? NO! Because she is still experimenting with eating disorders and her boobs have not been implanted yet. Does Paris call herself "Herpes"? NO! She may have herpes today, but she can get that shit taken care of! Ugh!

I, though, am a shit talker. And I will be a shit talker every single day of my pathetic life.

Homey don't play that!

GUYS! LISTEN UP!

This little device right here is called Aneros. It is a new G-spot stimulator for men that you insert anally while intercourse or masturbation and which the website says," men can achieve strong, continuous, non-ejaculatory, full body orgasms previously unattainable through conventional sexual techniques"

Now, I would think that this is kinda BS because everyone would have you believe that product gives you a "strong, continuous, non-ejaculatory full body orgasm" but my friend Brandon who works at The Pleasure Chest is saying that the word of mouth is incredible and that everyone has vouched for it, that it is in fact, pretty incredible. I think I am going to pick one of them and try it out and report back to everyone.

LISTENING IS A LARGE PART OF LEADERSHIP!

Wow, we really showed those Chinese that we are ready to develop a relationship with their country based on mutual respect and openess as well as kindness and understanding. Or maybe we are sending the message that we could give a fuck about what they have to say. That is what Dick Cheney and Condi Rice seemed to infer from the nap session they took in the middle of a speech that Hu Jintao, the Chinese President, was making.

Things they missed in the speech included:

• Tentative plans of napalm attacks set for U.S. later this year.
• Computer viruses to destroy internet to be set forth later this year.
• Possible naming of $cientology as official religion of China, later this year.
  

SHE'S BULIMIC! NOT ANOREXIC! DUH!

This past weekend my roomate and some of my friends went over to the Vine Bar in Hollywood to hang out and they had quite the celebrity sighting. They saw Mischa Barton partying it up with Nicole Richie. The best part of the story is that they hopped in their towncar that was driving them around and had the driver take them across the street, literally, to none other than Taco Bell. They then preceded to stuff their faces and then had the driver bring them back. I wonder if Nicole felt the urge to purge sooner than she had expected.

The story would be a lot better if Mischa and Nicole ate each other's fish tacos....but alas, just another tale of anorexics getting so drunk they forget that they are only allowed 35 calories a day.