Take me out to the.....Farm?

I don't get why these little fruits are throwing out the first pitch at some baseball game. Apparently they are little Christian fruits that are promoting family values. What the fuck? Fruits are not religous...and if I wanted something to make my religion seem cool to kids, you better believe it wouldn't be a cucumber and tomato. I would pick a big joint and a crackpipe as the "cool" things to bring people back to Christianity.
I bet you that whomever is in those damn costumes loves to touch themselves some little kid privates!

LINDSAY GETS HYPNOTHERAPY

Lindsay Lohan is rumored to be going to hypnotherapy to help her with her shopping addiction. Apparently, she has dropped $1 million on clothing and accessories. I always must give her props, cause she is so fucking overexposed, but I never see her in the same outfit twice....

By the by, her rep said that it was total BS, and that LiLo didn't drop the cash on clothes....but instead on drugs and dildos. Duh.

{pic and story courtesy of Egotastic}

She's Not Dying.....She's Just Crazy....

Elizabeth Taylor went on Larry King to dispel the rumor that she is on her deathbed and about to kick the bucket. Instead she let the world know that she is just old as hell and falling apart at the seams. That bitch has lived way to long. She should have peaced out a long time ago so that everyone could remember her as the stunning beauty she was, not that wackjob she's become. Look at Marilyn Monroe and James Dean, they will forever be immortalized as beautiful and young, Liz and Marlon Brando will be remembered for outstaying their welcome on the planet Earth.


pic courtesy of D Listed

No, I don't wish my girlfriend was "hot" like you

These fucking Pussyass Dolls are such fugly hoe's it's beyond verbal description. Shakespeare couldn't write enough sonnets to encompass the fugidity. Where to begin? The Kool-Aid red hair? The ill fitting vest with nipple hanging out? The greasepaint make-up that is covered by a patina of sweat. Disgusting. Those fucking "girls" are flat out rejects from the casting call for a Las Vegas drag show. Gross. Well, at least you can see some nipple.....

pics courtesy of I Don't Like You In That Way

RAPPERS HATE ON OPRAH...UH OH!

Apparently rappers 50 Cent has joined Ludacris in stating that Oprah does not like to invite rappers onto her show as not to offend her predominately white and female viewing audience.
What a bunch a fucking retards. Does "Fiddy" ever have Enya open for him? No because his audience doesn't vibe with that shit! It's called being a good business person. And by the way, I believe that I have seen P. Diddy up on that stage.

Secondly, I don't think that these boys know who they are messing with. I would love for them to try to fuck with Oprah. The backlash will NOT be cute. Oprah will invite all their asses on her show and then sit them down for a nice talking to. Can't wait for that shit.

Fucking 50 Cent....what a loser. Oprah's farts sell more copies than his albums. That didn't make sense, but it made me giggle.

Look at this pic of loser ass David Hasselfuck getting all worked up during the American Idol finale. He is such a fucking pussy. No wonder he couldn't make it big in the states. Americans hate pussies and David is in the running for pussy of the year. I'm surprised a D-lister like David could even get tickets to this event. His publicist must have given head to Simon Cowell.



{pic courtesy of Defamer}

THE ANOINTED PAIR!

This, my friends, is the best representation of the second coming of Hollywood. Good ole Shiloh Jolie-Pitt has been born and this picture is the perfect representation of the hysterical shit storm that everyone is throwing. Not like I should talk, since I find time every day to talk shit about celebrities, but, this is pretty genius. The media is blowing its load just 'cause Jolie's loosey goosey coochie opened up long enough for a baby to fall out. And a baby that she actually had, not one she had to steal from some poor Nigerian who already had nothing but the love of their child. Cunt.


pic courtesy of Gallery of the Absurd

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie welcomed a baby girl into the world over the weekend, and actually named their daughter something reasonably cool, Shiloh.

What ironic timing that this weekend was also the premier of "The Break-Up", Jennifer Anistons new film which deals with her character and the travails of breaking up with a signifigant other. Appparently, on the press line, Jennifer's publicist DEMANADED that there be no mention of Brangelina's recent birth.

That kid has the most predicictable life ever. Elementary school at Open School in Santa Monica, Junior High at John Burroughs, High Scbool at Crossroads, summers in Prague or Mumbai, parley mommy and daddy's fame into a industry career filled with mediocrity. Blah! So bored already!





In other baby news, Gwen Stefani also had her child! This weekend there were some celebrity coochies stretched to the limit! This weekend, at Los Angeles's Cedars Sinai hospital, Stefani gave birth to a boy named Kingston James. You knew that one of the two had to have a weird ass name. I kinda like it anyways.....

OPRAH LOOKS WAY TOO HAPPY TO GO TO AUSCHWITZ

Oprah is so crazy. First of all, it is so wrong that that bitch is grinning. So rude! Then can we talk about the fact that Oprah made Elie Weisel go back to Auschwitz and relive that shit! Bitch is crazy! Oprah loves to make people relive totally traumatic experiences cause she gets a $100 million dollar bonus for each tear she squeezes out of her unsuspecting guest.
And you know why she does it? So that she can make a couple bucks off of the book Night.

I still love you though.

{pic courtesy of Defamer}