JAKE IS AN ANGEL IN DISGUISE AS A FINE PIECE OF ASS!

Oh my God. I am so in love with Jake G. it's borderline retarded. Here he is over by Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, CA giving change to a vagrant. I mean, it is so kind of him to find a measly one dollar bill from his fortune to throw in this guy's cup. Angelina probably would have adopted him and then stolen someone else's husband to take care of his ass. That Angie is so resourceful!

Anyways. I love Jake...blah blah blah....The picture does look staged as hell, though!

Jake is seriously so masturbation-worthy...Maybe my roomate can walk in on me masturbating...again.


picture courtesy of {Hollywood Rag}

Strange But True!

So, my roomate Joseph Dennis was eating at a fabulous cafe yesterday with his parents that just so happened to be across the street from the Hollywood $cientology Center. His mother...who will remain nameless to protect her identity, told him that she often see's young men around the Scientology Center with briefcases that are leashed to the owner's wrist. What the fuck? Right? Then my roomie actually sees someone with a briefcase on a leash.

Afterwards I tried to do some research but there is nothing online that shed light upon this incident. I am totally bamboozled and would appreciate any ideas or stories anyone has heard about this phenomenon.

Then, later, my roomate walked in on me jerking off. Kinda embarassing.

WHO WOULD YOU RATHER BANG?

Who would you rather fuck?

I'd go for the fatty....Lindsay looks like a straight-up crackwhore. I can't wait till she has her own Intervention episode.


{picture courtesy of The Superficial}

JUST MY FUCK

Jesus, shit like this makes me wonder why Lindsay Lohan is even a movie star. Since her big break out role in Mean Girls she has done two movies...This Just My Luck crap and Herbie. She really needs to step it up, or else she is going to be Ms. Lifetime Movie of the Week quicker than you can say "my coke dealer delivers".

And, I don't think I could bare to watch LiLo in a crap film like this. In it she plays an incredibly lucky girl. How ironic! In real life, she also plays an incredibly lucky girl, who with limited talent and low levels of charm, somehow clawed her way to the top of the Hollywood teen queen dog pile.

I predict she's dead by 30.

PARIS'S PUSSY

OK, guys, make sure to double click on the pic above to see her Paris's poonani.

Wow, I thought I had seen it all until I caught wind of this beauty! Here is a canded shot of Paris Hilton, lifting her dress so you can see her full on puss. I guess this would be shocking if it weren't for the fact that the bitch has shown us her snaggle-snatch like a billion times already. This picture even makes Tara Reid look classy. If you can take your eye of Paris's pussy for a split second take a look at her enormous feet. Bitch wears something crazy like a size 13 and has to get all of her designer shoes specially made for those big boys.

Ok, stop looking at her feet now and focus, once again, at her exposed labia majora....and I do mean majora! She could probably fit a small plane up in that shit. Paris's vadge is so much more mystical and death-defying than any sad trick that chump David Blaine could come up with. A real trick would be to turn Paris into anything other than a cum-bucket.

FRIENDSHIP IS...

Friendship is knowing that if you had a joint that was bigger than your body, you could rely on your friends to help you hold it up as well as light it.

WHAT A LOSER

Loser/Poser/Magician David Blaine wasted a week of his and our time by NOT holding his breath for nine minutes as promised. Divers had to rescue Blaine after only seven minutes. What a fucking failure. I bet his mother spit on him.
Don't get my shit all excited for a whole fucking week sitting in a bubble with wrinkley-ass hands, get my dick all hard with anticipation and when it's time for his symbolic climax....he poops out. I totally used to think this choad was worth a rats ass, despite the fact that he hangs with Leo Dicaptard but now I have to re-think my previous hypothosis. Even David Copperfield made the fucking airplane disappear.

And for those of you are who are like, "Ooh ShitTalker, stop! He still held his breath for 7 minutes"..guess what...FUCK OFF. His JOB as an illusionist is to, if not really hold his breath, create the illusion that he held his breath for 9 lousy minutes. I bet he wishes that no one saved his ass just as much as I do. He's better to the world dead than as a lying magician who can't even pull a rabbit out of his ass....I mean hat.

story courtesy of CNN

OH NO SHE DIDNT!

Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph what the fuck is going on here? Jessica Simpson was seen at an event over the weekend wearing a fucking red wig. She looks a hot mess! The worst part is that she is wearing the wig to promote her new artificial hair line (get it? hairline! ha!). I would rather have cancer or leukemia and go bald from the treatment then ever wear one of those nasty ferrets up on my dome. I bet the wigs are made of pubes or something. God, her stylist must be jumping off a bridge due to embarassment.

She is such a tard, I dont even want to verbally assault her. Just look at her, she's so harmless it's pathetic. And what the fuck is up with her floppy ass titty in that dress. What a disaster.

OH! And by the way Jess, we, the people, notice that everytime you get a little down in the dumps, your lips mysteriously grow in size to that of bloated worms. It's really condescending to think that we don't know that just cause Nick got to release his tell-all article to US Weekly first you run off to the closest doctor with a syrige full of collagen. Bitch.

{story and pic courtesy of The Superficial}