FREE NAOMI!

So, more info is slowing coming in regarding the Naomi Campbell arrest. Apparently, the Oprah Winfrey (woo woo homegirl!) Show was filming at her apartment at the time of the attack (thank you FUCKING lord almighty, PLEASE PLEASE let there be footage). Apparently Naomi was looking for a pair of $200 jeans with her assistant upstairs. The assistant called to the maid service downstairs (Naomi has a maid for each floor of her New York apartment) and became enraged when they could not be found. She then threw her diamond encrusted Blackberry at her assistant leaving a 3 inch gash on her forehead.

LOVES IT! That fucking assistant is lucky she walked away with a 3 inch gash. This is only the 30th time Naomi has done that shit, so why do the assistants always act so fucking surprised? OY! I would give my left nut to have Naomi throw pig vomit at me...much less some diamond encrusted device. I love that Naomi has a maid for each floor of her house AND a personal assistant....is she really that busy?

I also ADORE that she had the brilliant idea to wear a poncho to disguse the fact she was handcuffed. When she walked out she was flasing that smile at the camera and turning on the model face...and you couldn't even tell she was in handies! Pretty damn smart for a model.

So, pray everyone, that Oprah got that attack footage!

NEW COUPLE ALERT

HEARTS

It has been reported that SNL's Andy Samberg and Hollywoods favorite cum-recepticle Kirsten Dunst are hooking up! That is so tacky. I have friends who know Andy and said that he had met Kirsten numerous times before he struck it big and she always snubbed him. It's so fucked up that now he's famouse she is all up in his shit and he doesn't seem to care. I have a friend who was very personal with Andy before he hit it big, and I am going to get all the dirt from her.

Regardless, Andy is a total Jew-hottie! I love those Jewie looking boys like Adrian Brody! And he's funny too! When I feel really insecure though, I just revel in the fact that he still needs braces.....ouch!

HMMM...VIN LIKES GAY PORN?

Here is a picture of Hollywood Hunk Vin Diesel posing with gay porn star Sebastian Bonnet at some Elton John party.

Ummm...need I say more?

TEDDY'S CHANGES OWNERSHIP

Amanda Scheer Demme has been asked to relinquish ownership of Hollywood hot spot Teddy's at the Hotel Roosevelt this week. The reasons cited are that she is an awful and bitchy lesbian and she's not hot enough to tell pretty people they aren't allowed in. Just kidding, she was fired cause she was letting underage kids (aka hot girls) in, allowing illegal drug use on the premises and she had been heard making racist comments.

Basically, she is an awful person and snobby and cruel of heart and she is a dead ringer for Howard Stern.

MARIAH CAREY'S VAGINA

Just found these lovely pics of the Classy McCarey showing whats for dinner...fish tacos...

I guess this happens to the best of us...but come on now...these aren't even good vag pics....I can barely tell what shape her pussy hair is!

INSIDE WHITNEYS DRUG DEN

Damn! Bitch needs a maid if you ask me!

So the National Enquirer recently published an article interviewing the people closest to Whitney and guess what....those MF's are scared as hell for her! I would be too! I thought MY apartment was dirty!

Hop on over to The Sun to read the entire story. For real, guys, check it out...it's fuckin' crazy!

NAOMI CAMPBELL NEEDS A NEW ASSISTANT...ANY TAKERS?

Damn, this bitch needs to STOP having assistants, if you ask me. Reports are starting to come in that Naomi Campbell was arrested yesterday at her home in NYC at 8AM for throwing an object at her 41 year old assistant.

What the fuck was Naomi Campbell doing up at 8AM? You know she was coming down off some sort of coke binge and her assistant did something horrible like look her directly in the eyes and then she went off and threw a butcher knife at her shit.

As an assistant myself, I realize that it's difficult to keep on top of somebody's life, but come on, Naomi is a model....and she's old and barely works anymore. How hard could it be? What does Naomi require? Someone to roll up the dollar bill? Jesus!

Could these pictures BE any more staged? This shit is so fucking transparent I cannot believe it! Ryan is such a fucking faggot and Scary Hatcher is so fucking old and molested they make the perfect couple. But can we PLEASE talk about how they are fully dressed in their Sundays finest at the beach. Look at how awkward their interactions are. This is such a publicity stunt it's crazy! Those poor losers, they are both on huge TV shows and still they are hungry for more attention. I bet you someone touched Scary Hatcher as a child...oh wait somebody did....don't believe me? Read about it in this months Vanity Fair.

JAKE, TURN DOWN THE GAY!

Hey, Jake. You have been acting way tooooo gay lately. Stop working out and hugging and taking romantic strolls on the beach with your male friends you big queer. You make it way to easy. Why dont you play a sport or go to a bar or something not totally faggoty.

Oh, Jake, I am completely in love with you, but come on, even I don't like sissy boys.

CLICK HERE FOR BOUNCING BOOBIES!

Here is a website advertising bras, but it has this demonstrational video that shows the boobs bouncing in the bras. It's pretty genius if you ask me


Click here to see the demonstrational video.


This is hysterical. I mean, who really needs to see this video other than pre-pubescent boys who need to jerk?
I love it. The internet just provides so much useless shit it's unbelievable.

ALCOHOL

LA FASHION WEEK WRAP UP

I just wanted to give a heads up to all the lovely ladies at Full Picture for once again throwing a lovely party! I can't believe that Cher showed up to partake in the Angels Passion....a delicious little drink provided by Gran Centenario!

I actually am wondering if that is Gran Centenario or the Elixir of Life, cause Cher looks fucking good for her age. I don't really know her age because I can't count that high, but she almost looks human in these pics. Those ladies at Full Pic must be putting some sort of filter on that camera of theirs! God Bless 'em!

I am also glad to see Nick V. from Project Runway there. I have seen him running around town and it's good to know that his gay ass is still around! woo woo!

You know I would have been pissed as hell if I had to wear those damn wings all night! God bless those professional angels for parties! Where did Full Pic find them?

KATIE NEEDS TO "HAVE" THAT "BABY"

Uh oh! This bitch is about to pop. There are a couple of fishy things about this pic though. Doesn't she look really slim except for her belly? Maybe she's keeping fit...or maybe the baby is a hoax. If she was really preggers her titties would be sitting like bags of sugar on that gut of hers.

I smell something fishy, folks. I don't know what, but I do know that it is awfully strange that they are going off to Ohio to have the Alien Prince.

Regardless, that is a really good prosthetic beer belly Katie.

BTW, I saw "Thank You for Smoking" this past weekend and it was terrific, except for Herpes McGee.

Why doesn't anyone ever mention that she always has weird lip issues, including huge herpes scabs that she got that the whole cast of "Dawson's Creek" got when they all fucked around with each other when they were stuck in North Carolina?

NEW COUPLE ALERT

Rumors and reports have linked Colin Ferret and Kate Sauced as having been seen canoodling all weekend.

Both are beauties and deserve to find happiness with one another


If they don't overdose and die first.


BEST OF LUCK!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH

Happy Birthday Girl

86 never looked so good!

The Mystery of Big Boned Bob

Big boned Bob, who are you? You leave your gem-like comments, yet you do not reveal yourself.

Have we ever met?

Are you a friend who is hiding their identity?

Reveal yourself!!!

WE SHOULD SET THEM UP!

Whew! Now I can finally sleep. I have been so worried about Nick and Jenn! Both of them fresh from heartbreak, living in their estates, driving their beautiful cars, living their charmed lives, everybody catering to their every need...

PUH LEEZE! I would never, never, EVER feel sorry for those selfish assholes. In fact, those two should totally date! Then their SELF-pity could morph into the combining of two major star powers and bank accounts and there would be movie deals, dolls and ancilliary markets to be thought about.